Today everything stopped

Today everything stopped…

Well not literally, but in my world it did, just for a second. Then it started again, but I don’t feel part of it.
To hear bad news is never good to hear news worse than that is just indescribable.
I know that the sun stopped shining just for a second, now that there is one less person in this world, a person I called a friend. Not a best mate not a close friend but still a friend. Someone who had a smile which lit up those around him.
Someone who had a family who loved him and friends who cared for him.
I may not have seen him for months, but that didn’t seem to matter today when I heard the news.
The news that he could no longer cope with the world.
The news that it had been too much for him to take.
The news that the darkness had closed around him like a huge cloak that he felt he could not escape.
The news that he was no longer with us.

I hope that his loved ones will heal, in time, not now but sometime. I know I don’t feel bad for him, I don’t blame him, it is a place I have seen. I opened the door and saw how dark it was inside. I know the feelings of despair. But I ran, I ran as fast as I could and slammed the door behind me…

Maybe it would not be so bad if I had not had this feeling two years ago when another friend left us. Again a ray of light, a young woman and her gorgeous little girl. That day the world stopped turning, my whole village stopped. Know one spoke, there was nothing to say, how can you when something so awful happens. Did this prepare me, no I’m not that hard, but what can we do to stop this from happening?
I don’t know that we can, I know that If I spotted it happening to someone close, I would do anything, anything at all to help.
But the answer is talking, don’t bottle it up.
All the old clich├ęs pop up.
Better out than in
A trouble shared is a trouble halved
I just wish there was a cure, like there are for other diseases but the mind is a complex thing and you cannot be in another persons shoes.

So tomorrow, I will remember this person with the happy thought, how he made us laugh with his snoring while we sang. How he encouraged us when we possibly sounded awful but told us we were great. And most of all I will think of the people who have been left behind to pick up the pieces, smile and move on…

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Comments

  1. I’m sorry hon, I really am. It’s all too easy to carry guilt and feel that maybe you could have helped, but my own personal experience tells me you can’t, you can try but ultimately you are left even more empty. Remember the good times and concentrate on what you have, be there to help his friends and family if appropriate and don’t be too proud to cry at what is always a great loss xx

    1. Yes it is too easy to carry guilt, but I tried to help my first friend and she got very angry and said I interfered in her life so I stepped back. Knowing what I know now I believe I got to close to finding her truths, and couldn’t change that. But feel at least I did try, and I would do it again.

  2. A beautifully written post.
    I am so sorry for your loss and I am keeping you and others that knew him in my thoughts! I hope you all heal in time xx

  3. There’s nothing I can say. Other than I’m here and, as the three of us said yesterday, we can get through this together. I agree with others, this is beautifully written.

    1. You are all true friends, and now we have to send all our love to J, so that her and her family can get through this.

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