Friends, how do you find yours?

Over the weekend I found myself quietly musing about friends and where you find them.
As a person who finds making friends not the easiest task, I do worry that the boy is taking the same path. I have always had a few good friends but never crowds. This has made me question are friends made from circumstances? Do we really choose them, or do they choose us? Are friend forced upon us like the people we work with or share a school desk. I have decided I don’t know the answer but have found it an interesting question to ask myself.

The boy had lots of friends at nursery and was always popular but mostly with people older, and this includes good friends. At school he quickly had a “Gang” and the four of them were inseparable, but with class changes and being split up in working circumstances this has faded. So from Infant to Junior school he is now split from all but one of his close friends. He knows so many of the other children, and often a child unknown to me will stop and say hi to him. He seems to have an affinity with older and sometimes more interesting people than making friends with his peers. Could this be a factor of being an only child? Or is this something he finds easier because of his interest in constantly gaining knowledge? Or could it simply be that he has learnt these skill or lack of them from me?

I know friendships have to be treasured, and worked at, and this is something I am trying hard to keep going. Working from home can be a lonely place, especially on a grey winters day. I am determined that I will make this work for my family and hope that the boy will continue to work on his friendships for many years to come…

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    1. I find myself questioning sometimes that he never gets invited round others houses. I think it might be because people don’t like me, then I think rationally and realise he does clubs 6 nights a week! so it wouldn’t be easy.

  1. Your description both of yourself and of your son sound exactly like me and my daughter. She has never had ‘best friends’ yet seems very popular at school and other activities. She too has been separated from her old ‘group’ but seems to be doing fine. Yet every so often she’ll mention about being lonely or not playing with anyone. She also prefers playing with older children. She has a little brother and plays with him though. I don’t know whether to worry or not?! I don’t have a huge circle of friends, maybe she too is learning this from what she sees around her? Sorry, I don’t have any answers, just more questions! At least you know it’s not just you
    Iona@Redpeffer recently posted…Help!My Profile

    1. Yes it is a worry, but I think it will be ok, I found out he has 3 girl friends at skating on Saturday. He seems to slot in to most situations and does lots of clubs (in the absence of sibling’s) It was a comment he made on Friday that made me think, he said his friend who he has known since he was one doesn’t play with him anymore, and he thinks that he wont be friends with him when he is older. I think he is asking himself the same questions!
      I think I just have to let him find his own way, and hope he has fun!

  2. I think finding friends is more difficult than finding the right partner! I too have always struggled and now have a very few close friends and the rest of my friends really are ‘online’. I often worry that E hasn’t got many friends as when I ask him who he’s played with at school he often says, Oh I just played on my own. He does seem to know everyone though so he must have some friends!
    Mummy of Two recently posted…Precious Memories #magicmoments #whatsthestoryMy Profile

  3. I always struggled to make friends at school, I’d make friends with someone and then they’d move away or go to boarding school. I have one friend who I’ve had since we were 8, I have no other friends from school at all. Now I have a few really close friends, but we don’t see each other that often, and lots of friends I can chat to but not the same. Monkey has his NCT friends but doesn’t really seem fussed on friends – I hope he doesn’t struggle like I did, sadly I think he probably will as Daddy P has never been good at making friends either.
    Mary @over40andamumtoone recently posted…Spookley the Square Pumpkin DVD Review and GiveawayMy Profile

  4. Oh an interesting subject – something we are all suffering at the moment. In regards to Miss M she has a group of 5 although unfortunatley one of the working mums paid for her daughter to be looked after by M’s best friend all summer resulting n M feeling left out this term. I have tears every night – not easy!! This is definitely that affects both me and the children at the moment. x
    Fiona Martin recently posted…Horrid Henry: Rocking the World DVD – Review and GiveawayMy Profile

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